I Don't Own a Cape

In order to dispell preconception, I figured I would give ya all~~

The Reality of me...

• I have made capes for my children to wear, but they've outgrown them and they've been passed on to other children to enjoy. 
• I have to FORCE [yes, it is that bad] myself to be organized.  My children have shown me through the years that they absolutely need me to be organized almost to a point of hyper-preparation.  My state of being organized helps them to know where things are, where to put important information when they need to let me know things and it helps to show them the need for being organized.  I am not an organizer by nature.  I am one of those artistic types who could spend all day being creative and not organizing a whip or cleaning much at all. 
• My husband NEEDS me to plan things.  All of us have weaknesses.  My strength is planning and executing those plans.  His strength is more in administration.
• Ninety-five percent of the time, I wake up in the morning hurting.  When storms are coming, I feel it accentuated to a greater degree because I can't move very easily.  I end up in tears some mornings begging God to help me put a smile on my face and take care of my family.  God is faithful. I do what I can and get myself down to the recliner to read my Bible, pray and wait for the pain to go away.  Once the pain goes down some, never completely gone, I am able to get my own work done.  I've been greatly blessed by my children who bring me a cup of coffee and something to eat so I can take my medication.
  
  In 2002 one of the discs in my lumbar area ruptured.  The gelatinous material slowly squeezed out and just barely touched the left side of my spinal cord.  I spent almost 48 hours in such excrutiating pain that was indescribeable.  It was worse than childbirth.  I remember telling my husband that I would have voluntarily given birth to 10 more children instead of going through that kind of pain again.  I am in awe at the work of the Lord in my life.  I called the assistant pastor and he brought 6 others to pray over me.  From 8:30 to 8:35PM, I went from hunkered over in pain to being able to stand up without pain.  The last 10 years, I've dealt with leg cramps, charlie horses mostly at night as a result of this disk rupturing.  Oddly enough, the only pain I feel in my lower lumbar area is osteoarthritis.  I feel absolutely no pain in my back from the ruptured disk.  What an awesome and wonderful God is in charge of all things.  I am humbled that He loves me enough to do such wonderful miracles on my behalf.
  
  But, the pain remains.
  
   I feel like this is so very aweful of me to even complain of pain, but for everything there is a reason.  Maybe the Lord caused this to occur to teach me to grant myself grace, to not beat myself up for how He's made me, and to teach my children to serve.  I don't know.  But, if you see me out and about before 10AM, hug gently please, and pray for me because it is only by God's grace that you are seeing me.  This is very difficult for me because I don't want to sound like I am whining.  To the contrary, I want others to know that I am human and face my own struggles daily. [Much like Paul when describing the "thorn of the flesh" and in the Old Testament when Jacob had wrestled with God all night and his hip was broken.]  I know how I would like things to be, but that is possible only when God allows it.  My purpose is to humble myself and place myself in to hands of God, fully surrendering.  The problem is my own selfishness and desiring to take charge of my own life, instead of full surrender.
• In January, between doing taxes, I plan for the next school year.  When I get tired of looking at curriculum, I crochet or knit.  When I'm not doing that, I work on my UnFinished Objects [UFO's].  My UFO pile is large.  *sigh*  Along with all of that, I do school with the kids.  Mr. G has taken over keeping our oldest son accountable to him for his schooling.  I felt that it was time for him to go to his Daddy to get his work checked and discuss problems and concerns with him.  My husband is such a good man!  I do the "behind the scenes" stuff still, but when DA has a problem, he takes it to my husband.  :) 
• Filing continuously eludes me.  It is getting better though. 
• My vehicle is in serious need of cleaning.
• I love too much, to the point where it hurts at times. 
• I love to cook and bake, but I don't cook or bake much at all any longer since my kids have taken over most of the cooking and baking.  I made dinner tonight--Ground Beef (85% lean), Whole Wheat Noodles, Green Beans, Cream of Mushroom Soup & Salad.
• I still have so much to learn.