Tough Cookies

Within the past couple of weeks, a friend of ours used this phrase to describe us.  I often wonder what has caused us to be seen as "tough cookies" in retrospect.  I remember so many events in our lives, individually and in our married life that has formed us to the people we are today--for better or worse.
I know that many, countless times we've had seemingly insurmountable occurrences in our life that had caused us to immediately hit the floor on our knees in a puddle of tears because in our own strength, we could not do "this", whatever "this" was.  Miraculously, as if by only the strength of the Holy Spirit, we stood to dry our tears and put one foot in front of the other.  There were times that many times EACH DAY we were in a puddle of tears, surrendering everything to the Lord, telling Him that we can't do "this" alone, that He's going to have to do "this" for us because in our own power, we're nothing.

With each step we've taken, we often times get to see a few steps ahead.  Other times, we can only see the step we're on currently.  These lessons have been "hard learned" and wrought with heartache, pain, and rivers and rivers of tears.  So, to use the term "tough cookie" to describe us is not as accurate as perhaps someone with the strength of a piece of jello or as sturdy as a river of tears.

That said, the Lord Himself has etched Himself in and through every aspect of our lives, from our finances, to our home and everything in it, our vehicles, our pets, my Mr. G's retirement from corrections and on to his current job, as well as homeschooling, and moving on in to our lives very soon as post homeschooling parents.  Our lives have been filled with trials and triumphs, but only by God's grace.

So, it is only by the strength of the Lord that we rely on daily that we can be remotely compared to "tough cookies."

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought,

but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, 

because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,

 for those who are called according to his purpose." 

(Romans 8:26-28)

This verse has become our very own in the past 3 years through the trials we've faced.  We've clung to it tightly when the winds blew so hard and things we thought were "ok" suddenly disintegrated.

We were helped by many folks posting different scripture at just the right time, praying for us and loving on us just to let us "talk it out" and vent.  There have been priceless friendships formed that had those occurrences not happened, we would have missed those friendships.  God brings about things in our lives to bring people together who wouldn't have normally crossed paths.  What a blessing these folks have been to our lives!  They don't even know the true depth and breadth of how much they honestly helped us just by being there for us when we needed them most.  We feel the Lord Himself put them in our lives and we are truly grateful for their friendship.  

Many times, it was only through the gift of music that was able to sooth our aching hearts.  Many times I leaned on these two songs.

The Lord has blessed us, and given us peace so many times through so many ways. 

Praise His Holy Name!

God Bless,

Saturday Before My Surgery

As time goes by, with all the Dr's visits this week, preparing my heart and mind for my pending surgery, I find myself concerned about the running of my household while I am recuperating.  Yes, my husband will be off work, my children have the capacity to take care of things, but things will not be cared for as I'd like.  I'll need at least 4 weeks, but according to my mother it would be up to 3 months.  I cannot fathom 3 months healing time.  However, I can understand it.

Today I went to get preparations for the day before and the day of my surgery.  You know those wonderful cleaning out of the bowel types of things.  Yes, those.  I also needed to get a pair of comfy stretchy pants.  I haven't owned a pair of sweat pants in at least a decade, so it was time to get something comfy.  I don't mind.  On my way, I found myself wishing my Mom and my mother were able to come and sit with me.  Then my thoughts went to all of my aunts, wishing family were closer because it feels so alone.  I knew my lovely aunts and my Mom and my mother would understand, having gone through this, and bring us a meal or two, come play board games with my kids, make them do their chores, help with laundry.

...and suddenly I felt so alone...

...not because I don't have people around me, but I do....those who have not walked this path before, those who cannot possibly understand my heart, my sickness, my emptiness, my grief.

I will be having a complete hysterectomy just to be sure there is no cancer that I need to be concerned with.  I have fibroid tumors growing in my uterus "too numerous to count."  If they cut in to my uterus, they may cut in to a tumor that "may" have cancer cells in it.  My Dr has advised me to do so.  I understand why and while I am completely at peace with it, I still have issues of the heart.  I cannot disconnect the logical from the emotional heart issues, placing each in it's own separate box, but I am an ever encompassing being.  My heart loves children.  The dear sweet wee ones I've longed to have and bear from my body will now never be.  To think of this brings my heart such an aching.

The only solace for my ache is the hope for future adoptive children.  My heart has longed for adopting a family group.  Ones who need a forever family, who break my heart with their lovely and beautiful faces, longing for me to call them my own, give them my name, my mother's heart.

And with that, I have joy.

Love,

Regina

Surrendering

In the past 9 years, the Lord has been teaching me more and more about surrendering.  Many times the song "I Surrender All" has been sung or played in a variety of ways during times when I have felt helpless and alone.  The Lord is like that.

Now, with the new "semester" of Bible study classes resuming, I'm finding the course is hinging upon not only "Surrender", but obedience as well.  Both of those go hand in hand I think.  I'm pretty sure I'm entering a growing season.  It is time, once again, to surrender to the potter's hands even more, and obey.

In Him,