Years and years would go by and my prayers continued, but eventually there was a point when they changed to something like, "Oh Lord, how I would love for You to fill my tummy with the movings of a babe." "Oh Lord, fill my tummy with a babe, please."
...please...
Then my prayers themselves changed.
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| October 8, 2012 |
Although I am grading papers here, I remember this time vividly because it was the time when I changed my prayers to pleading for the eternal life of my husband. I had been praying for my husband all along, but things with him got so very difficult. It was a terrible time.
Once he left for work, I sat in my chair and cried and prayed every day. Some days I went upstairs to our bedroom and lay prostrate on the floor and weep, sobbing and praying for the eternal life of my husband. I was a single parent. I was alone. We not only were unequally yolked, I was carrying the yolk of the burden of the entire house alone. I not only wanted his companionship, but a willing partnership, but at that time in our lives, he was not able to give that. He succumbed to the increased stress and pressure at work. Instead of finding the peace and respite at home, he looked at his responsibilities at home as added stress and buried himself in the numerous video games to lose himself.
It was during this time that my prayers for more babies changed. I told God that He could use me, take my own life if need be to get through to my husband. My appeals for help and time were not getting through to him. Only God could deal with him.
I gave up the desire for more children for the eternal life of my husband.
Once I did, God worked wonderfully in the life of my husband. Through a series of events, my husband gave his life to Christ on December 30, 2012.
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| January 9, 2013 |
While things haven't been "peaches and cream" since then, like cheese and wine,
things get better with age.
I began noticing problems with my menstruation not long after this. After about a year, I noticed things lengthening each month and things changed in appearance. I felt myself identifying with the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' garment. I went to get blood tests done every 6 months to keep track of my A1C and fasting blood sugars, cholesterol, triglycerides and iron. While everything seemed fine, the Dr noticed my iron levels were lower than normal. She suggested an iron supplement, but I requested being able to increase the iron through my diet instead. I have other problems with regard to iron supplements, so she reluctantly agreed. After 6 months of increasing the iron rich foods, my iron levels were even lower. Something else was wrong.
During this time I felt God working on my heart to let go. I felt myself drawn to foster kids, orphans and family groups of children who have been left mother and fatherless. Their beautiful faces spoke to my heart and continue to do so. Every picture I prayed over, every child so very precious needing a home and I wish it were mine. I spoke to God about how I knew His word talked of taking care of widows and orphans and that He would place the orphan in a family. I asked God to give my husband a love and a heart for orphans--family groups especially--so that we could partner with God and care for His children, the orphans. My heart already is one that would welcome a family group of any size to our home.
I have eagerly soaked up every adoption story with such interest and much like a sponge to glean information about anything we may eventually encounter. It doesn't matter if it were an international or local adoption I was reading about. I have been enraptured by their story.
So with all of this heart preparation on my behalf, with diminished energy, tiredness, and simply unable to function after a very busy day--to be the pendulum that while it didn't make me depressed, but just desiring to care of my family.
It was approximately this time that I realized after 6 months of keeping my family Dr "in the loop," I decided to talk with her about the bleeding more at length. She made the suggestion that I make an appointment with an OB/Gyn. While telling my husband about my appointment, I mentioned that I thought a hysterectomy was probably in my future. He agreed and said I was probably right.
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| October 18, 2014 |
It was approximately this time that I realized after 6 months of keeping my family Dr "in the loop," I decided to talk with her about the bleeding more at length. She made the suggestion that I make an appointment with an OB/Gyn. While telling my husband about my appointment, I mentioned that I thought a hysterectomy was probably in my future. He agreed and said I was probably right.
To my dismay, after an ultrasound and finding out the results, the surgery was scheduled almost a month and a half away. I just wanted to get it over with. The week after Christmas would have been wonderful timing for me, but it wasn't in God's plan. I decided to get to work on the house at that time, but that wasn't in God's plan either. I don't know if you can see in the picture above, but I'm very tired. Being tired, maintaining the very basics of every day life, doing just what needed to be done was all I could do. Plus shortly after Christmas another thing slowed us down--everyone came down with fevers, coughs, runny noses, losing our voices and just sleeping. When my daughter got well enough, I started training her on extra stuff--specifically mine--to prepare for when I was out of commission.
Monday came and I was so very ready to not be tired any more. I was ready for surgery. God prepared me for this, to say good bye to my baby carrying years, but to say hello to what comes next.
When I came out of recovery, I was famished! I had not eaten since the day before at breakfast. They brought me ice chips straight from heaven. The breathing tube they put down my throat made my throat so sore! I came home by 5PM! My hubby went back to town to get some things from the store for me and my daughter had already prepared meatballs for us. I was still so hungry, so I asked my hubby to bring me a big cheeseburger. I was famished! I felt energized though! I felt the difference in my body. I felt sore, yes, but I felt good!
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| February 7, 2015 |
So this week, after my surgery, my husband has truly been my hero, ironing out so many issues I've had with our imperfect cherubs, while I happily sit this out, resting. I'm praising God for answering my prayer to reclaim the years the locusts have taken. There is more time, but it's coming along. God is good. I'm feeling better each day. I am looking forward to our move with greater peace. Getting taxes done is the next on the "to do" list. We have some wonderful money saving plans for our move that my husband has shared with me that are absolutely genius! I am so thankful and that brings me peace and joy. God has answered my prayers in such a different way than I ever thought, just by saying, "No."
Love & God Bless,
