How We Buy Clothes

Proverbs 31:21  "She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet."

(Some things to ponder...)

We spend currently $24 per month (sometimes less), per person for clothing for the entire year.  Yes, if you do the math, that equates to $288 per year per person for clothes AND shoes, which equals $1440 for the whole family, for the entire year.  This is high in some cases, like with my husband and I.  If this is something that seems not "do-able" for your family, think again!  I know of some families larger than our family who are able to do $500 a year for clothes.  There are many many choices and alternatives to "store bought".  

After everyone has gone back to school, at least for this particular mother, I begin scouring end of the season sales for clothes for my kids.  The truth of the matter is that it is the best time to find good deals on the season's clothes that we're still in.  Plus, with buying clothes a size or two ahead of what my children are wearing currently, I can cover next season as well.  We are driven by need instead of by when school starts.   If our kids need something, we don't wait until school is going to start to buy clothes.  It is just something that does not enter in to our daily discussions.   

I also buy clothes off of ebay.  I can do this so much easier than driving 2 hours to the nearest mall, try on clothes for hours on end to find only 2 things that fit, then in frustration drive home with dissatisfied young people who are pouting.  With ebay, I just make note of everyone's measurements, look only at the brands that we know are good quality, fit well, and choose from that selection.  I just bought a pair of cargo pants for my youngest, a pair of jeans for my daughter (with 2 that I'm bidding on), and 3 new t-shirts on clearance for my oldest.  

Is this enough clothes for them for the year?  No!  I buy clothes for them throughout the year.  I look for sales, I look for good quality clothes at Good Will, Salvation Army, yard sales and other thrift stores.  If I can't find what I'm looking for right away, I pray about it, give it to God and within a short amount of time (on God's time clock, not mine), He supplies our need.  

Some things we always buy new:  Underwear, socks, bras and white t-shirts.  The boys have found this past summer that white t-shirts are great to work out in the hot sun picking berries at our friends' farm.  They can be thrown in the laundry on hot with bleach and line dried.  Buying these in bulk, I can get 6 shirts off the rack new for $13 or less, depending on whether or not I get a coupon from the hanes website or not.  (I'm not an avid couponer, so it isn't a big deal.)   We also buy some of our fabric new.  There are sales throughout the year at Joann's, but I keep on the look out for even better sales.  I buy things in bulk when I hit the jackpot like $1 or $2 a yard.  Some times I'll find fabric at yard sales, much like I did with the fleece my daughter and I are now making in to a robe for her.  

So, what about "Back to School" shopping?  It is non-existent.  We buy clothes when they are best for us to buy them, not needing the dictates of back to school shopping, peer pressure, or the latest fashions to tell us what we need to buy and how much we need to spend.  I've heard of some families spending over $2,000 on school clothes and a small fraction of that being supplies for 3 children.  It is un-necessary for us to do the back to school shopping or buying to impress others.  

What do we do then?  We are governed by scripture that tells us to be modest, lovely, pure and to dress in gender appropriate clothing. 

Deuteronomy 22:5  "The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

Now, before you mention about being "all skirts" or anything like that, I will say this--we do both, modestly, as directly by my Mr. G.  The general rule of thumb is that if it is tight enough to show all of your parts, then it's too tight.  We bought 2 pairs of jeans for my daughter over the summer at a yard sale, but once we got home, she tried them on to only find that they were indeed "too tight."  So those jeans will be either placed on ebay or given to Good Will.   

According to my husband, who is the head of our home, we will do what necessitates in our work for us to wear.  We certainly don't wear work clothes to church, nor do we wear skirts to work in the garden or cut grass.  I do know some women who have work skirts and church skirts.  I do not, although it wouldn't be too difficult to get to that point.  

My point is that we follow the directions of my own husband, and if you're reading this, you should follow the directions of YOUR OWN husband, not mine. (Ephesians 5:22 & Titus 2:4-5)  

Ultimately, we are responsible for our own obedience before God, regardless of how we buy clothes.  It's all a matter of heart.  

Where is YOUR heart?  

Forgiveness, Boundaries & Letter Writing

I have never been very good at writing letters.  I write a letter to my mother once every 3 months or so.  I send her pictures and give her updates to our family.  This may seem like "not enough" for your families.  Between my kids and I, it wouldn't be enough.  But, it is important for me to write to my mother, multiple pages, with lots of pictures about 4 times a year. This is how I keep her informed about the good news of our lives, encourage her in her life and share the gospel with her.  

[What you are about to read is history, nothing more.]

You see, I've found that within the past year that she's been keeping these letters now, instead of ripping them apart.  Why would she rip them apart?  In 2008, my daughter broke her leg.  

My mother felt it necessary to take that point in time to desire to come see us, for HJ's sake.  It would have been fine, and it still is fine for her to come for a visit, but I told her that I needed to talk with Mr. G about it and get back to her.  He was preoccupied in the garage, eye-brow deep in an electrical issue that was more important to wait than to ask him right then.  Once he finished, we discussed it and decided that she could come, as long as she respected our house rules and  "no swearing", and she needed a way back because she originally made the request with a "one-way" ticket.  These were my husband's requirements.  They were thought about quite extensively by him over night and I tried presenting them to her the next day, but she wouldn't answer her phone.  Because I didn't call her back "right away", she thought my Mr. G "didn't love her."  So when I finally got to talk with her 2 days later, she decided that she wasn't going to come and had some choice words for me and hung up the phone on me.  I called her back and let her know that I would not allow her to treat me that way, nor my children or my husband.  [I'd heard how she had treated my niece and how she was treating my sister and her fiance.  I wasn't going to allow it with myself or my family.]  I said it in to her supposedly broken answering machine, but I don't know if she actually heard anything I said.  

I honored her and continued sending her cards, letters and Christmas gifts only to find out that she had been dumping it, unopened, into the trash can.  She didn't know about the gifts, gift cards, loving words or anything.  My sister-in-law told me that she had been doing these things since July 2008.  

HJ in her neon pink cast, picking peas from her square foot garden as a snack.

My mother came upon some pretty desperate financial times that we didn't know about, neither did my brother and sister-in-law.  My sister knew, but wouldn't tell us about it for some strange reason (pride maybe...not sure).  But when my brother called and told me, we helped her in every way we could think of.    To say that she had a very difficult time taking that first check and buying groceries with it is putting things mildly.  She was beligerant, disrespectful and not even wanting to cash it, but wanted my brother and sister-in-law to send it back to us.  She didn't want to touch it.  Well, after talking with her, my brother finally convinced her to sign it and my sister-in-law went shopping with her to get her some much needed groceries.    The second check went a little easier and the third a little easier still.  Once my nephew, little Billy, was born, she had one more check to cash and tend to on her own.  She had no other choice.  So, she did it.  

She's received letters and cards and packages through my aunt and brother after she was kicked out of her trailer and moved in with my sister and her fiance.  My sister's fiance has a "history", so we didn't send packages directly to her.

This was taken right before my brother found out that she needed help. 

My aunt took this picture last fall '11.

Fast forwarding to this year, 2012....she reads my letters, opens my card AND, I've spoken with her, as the kids have as well, on Skype and the telephone.

She has had a very bitter, rebellious attitude all of her life.  If people do not do what she wishes, she cuts them off from her life, as she did with me and my family for setting up reasonable boundaries.  I am thankful for God giving me the strength to set up those boundaries and keep them in place, standing my ground not only for the sake of my children and husband, but for the peace of my home.

Boundaries need to be set up and readjusted as time progresses and as need arises.  My mother has been honored, but she's not been allowed to have any lasting effect on my family.  Communication with my children has been limited for that reason.  It's been only "on the surface" for their sakes, up until now.  I foresee a time when that "protection" that has been placed there for their own good, will be not just challenged, but also brought face to face to deal with...when we visit...in person.  I don't know when this will happen, but I foresee it happening within the next 2 years.  We'll see how much she has truly respected and forgiven me and my husband for setting up healthy to protect our children at that time.

Until then, I send her letters, with one way communication.  She doesn't call me since she only has local calling abilities on her telephone.  She calls my brother and sister-in-law from my sister's phone, but doesn't call me.  I'm still considering and praying about sending her a tracfone.  We'll see.  I call her when I know she'll be at my aunt's house, or I can Skype with her there.

All of this to say that I do not have the perfect mother.  She is undiagnosed with numerous problems as an adult, and refuses to be diagnosed, labelled or treated for those things.  She treats my sister, her fiance, neice(s), sister-in-law, brother, nephew(s) good when she feels like it.  The other times, it is open for anyone's guess as to whether they'll be verbally abused or manipulated, worse yet, physically abused.

We have to have boundaries in place with her because we love her, because since she hasn't shown self control for herself, we have to give that to her through boundaries.  She is allowed to speak to the children, but we will not allow cursing.  She is allowed to see them via Skype, but she is not allowed to say anything about their appearance or our religious beliefs.  I stay very close by, even listening to the conversations, stepping in where I need to.

This does not cause me great anxiety any longer.  I have forgiven her for the things she's done to me through her abuse as a child and an adult, her disrespect of my husband and my children through her actions.  I would love to go out and see her, talk with her, share with her about our lives, pray with her, sing to her with the kids, but finances will not allow that right now.

This is why I write letters.  I am honoring her the best way I can and know how.  Hoping to give her what she needs, even though she's never been that type of person to me.  To say that it is monumentally difficult is definitely in the ball park.  She doesn't say, "I love you" and never has.  Her "moment" of love for us was when she decided not to abort us.  So, you see the mountainous undertaking I've felt needed to be done is always there, showing her love, because I do love her.

If you have a mother, step-mother or mother figure who loves you, looks out for your well being, teaches you, pours her life in to yours and sacrifices for you, be abundantly thankful.

This is me with Emmie.  God blessed me with her for my step-mom when I was just 14.  She taught me how to love and how to be a Mom.  She was the Godly example I needed to transform in to the type of wife and mother God needed me to be.  He's still not finished with me yet. ;)

God took her home in 1997.  I miss her every day.

Be thankful for your mom, no matter what!

Salt

Matthew 5:10-16  "Blessed are they that have been persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  (11)  Blessed are ye when men shall reproach you, and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.  (12)  Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets that were before you.  (13)  Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost its savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out and trodden under foot of men.  (14)  Ye are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid.  (15)  Neither do men light a lamp, and put it under the bushel, but on the stand; and it shineth unto all that are in the house.  (16)  Even so let your light shine before men; that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven."

Where are YOUR Thoughts?

Philippians 4:8-9  "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  (9)  What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

 

It has come to my attention...

I have been getting some visitors from some questionable sites.   As a response, I thought of making my blog a "for permission only" type of blog, but quite honestly the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I would keep my blog open...a salt and light kind of thing.

So here goes....

Mr. G

He hasn't changed much in 23 years.  When he came in to the 7-11 where I worked, just 23 years ago, he had been wearing much the same clothes on then as he's wearing today.  

Well, I shouldn't say that he hasn't changed, he has.  He's grown more comfortable with the person he is.  He's grown as a father and husband.  He's grown more patient of me too as time has gone on, which is a good thing....either that or I've changed and my perception of his patience has changed.  LOL  I'm more inclined to think the latter.

Sweatpants and a tshirt with no shoes (he's wearing crocs today) was what he was wearing when he introduced himself to me 23 years ago.

He's a strong steadying presence for me, comfortable in who he is, not caring to impress anyone.  In this picture you can't tell, but he's not feeling well.  He's getting over a cold that came with a fever.  When JL came up to him with a socket to let him know that he'd measured the bolt to unscrew to raise the zip-line, he could have told him, "Later Bud, I need to rest a bit before we get to work on that."  But he didn't.  He's such a wonderful father.  

Notice the shirt he has on?  

I am so blessed! 

Sunday Lessons

I'm learning, always, to hold my plans loosely.  Today was one of those days.  The children were in the vehicle, just having started it when I needed to use the bathroom.

I called to my husband to tell the kids to get out of the vehicle and change their clothes.  I was feverish.  He asked me if I was ok.  

As it turns out, about half an hour to an hour later, I found out why I was feverish--I had the beginnings of a bladder infection.

No wonder I felt so tired.

This week while I recuperate, rest and take care of myself, I am reminded that I still need to hold my plans loosely....as Copperswife says.  =0)  I'm granting myself mercy.  Sometimes I need to do that.

July...Where Did You Go?

Time seems to be running so very fast these days.  I've been working on getting some projects going, getting chores done, cleaning those extra areas that need it and getting ready for our yearly Birthday Bash.  Of course with every year, I try to include water play just in case it is hot.  Last year our well ran dry, so we couldn't do the slip-n-slide.  This year the pump to our well broke, so no slip-n-slide again.  But, we're doing something with water fun anyway.  I'm going to get 6-5 gallon buckets and fill them with water, get tiny little squirt guns (leveling the playing field between older and younger water lovers) and we're loading 2 laundry baskets with water balloons.  How fun!  I know it will be a blast for them.  :)

Along with all the water stuff, I always get glow sticks, bracelets or necklaces for the kids to have more fun after dark.  The adults are usually huddled around the campfire talking, so the kids are having a great time running around glowing!  :)

This week's preparations revolve around scrubbing the back porch and getting things weeded.  I still have to decide what to plant in the one flower bed.  LOL  Go figure!

Next week it will be the basement in earnest.  We keep it generally clean, but before the Birthday Bash I like to wipe things down and finalize with the family where to put things.  This year there is a bit of a change in the flow of things so I'm hoping it will work better.

I would also like to start getting a few things bagged and in the freezer.  I found a couple ideas on Pintrest, just in passing mind you.  I don't spend a lot of time on Pintrest just because I don't have a lot of time.  If someone shows me something at some point and it looks interesting, I try to do it.  :)

Well, August is here whether I like it or not.  Oddly enough, even though time has seemingly flown by, I'm welcoming the cooler weather a bit easier this year.  In July, with the temperatures in the mid to high 90's with the humidity, I was feeling sick to my stomach.  Lately it has been warm through the day, in the 80's and a bit of a nip in the air by the time I wake up at 5:00AM.  The crispness is one that makes me crawl back in to bed and cover up with a sheet and rest my head on my beloved's back...just for a little while.  I love this weather!