Finishing Up Projects

This is a very large part of our lives right now.  Lots and lots of boxes.

Digging out the Sub.

More books

Drink of choice post surgery.  It is ice, lemon-lime soda, and blueberries.  I found the lids and straws in the canning section at W*lmart and they work perfectly for a thirsty Momma wanting something other than water once a day.  :0)

Getting better & new glasses.

Needing to pull it together....getting organized again.  Things need to be revamped a little bit, but it works for now.

The painting in the kitchen is done and we're putting things back in their place. (Updated pictures coming!)

Next up--new flooring...and pictures!

Just the Beginning of Finishing Up Business

Today four out of five of us went to pick up our new glasses.  This will be the last time we visit our Ophthalmologist.  We will be searching for another eye Dr in Georgia.  It felt a bit surreal that we're so close!  I'm hoping to get one, maybe 2 more teeth cleanings in for all of us before we leave for Georgia, but only the Lord knows if that will happen.

Me with my new glasses.  Sorry about the glare!

Now it is on to the next doctor to get business finished up and begin to transfer records--the Orthodontist.  Our oldest son is getting his braces off next week after almost 2 years.  He'll get a retainer and everything, then we'll look for another Orthodontist for our youngest.  He'll need them soon too.

In all of the excitement of moving, I've made sure to purchase a nice bright purple briefcase to hold the information for transferring doctors, insurance information and so forth so that I can get to it really quick for easy reference.

My husband has told me not to tell him how many more work days he has left so he's not counting down.  He admittedly told me that once it gets down to the last 2 weeks that he'll probably count down days until he can retire from his current job.  He is not sure if he'll look for work after we move or if he'll just make things to sell.  Either way, I just want him to be happy.

And So "IT" Begins

                                      

As March blows in like a lion and continues to roar, we are tucked quite tightly inside our toasty home with lots of things to do.  There are things to clean, paint, flooring to replace, vehicles to replace and the list continues. 

I decided to begin backing our "Religious Books" first.  I'm going through them to decide which ones I want to keep as a part of our library, those I want to donate to our church's library, then ones to sell and others to donate to Good Will.  The interesting part of this particular job is that I'm not bent over at the waist, but sitting on the floor with my wonderful helpers bringing me books to pack.  

Next on the list of books to pack would be my music books.  I love them, but it is time to get them packed.  I need to clean and clear out the books and there is no time like the present.  

The progress I'm making on the shawl I'm working on for a Christmas 2015 gift is slow.  I have problems with nerve damage on my left hand, so I work as much as I can and put it down for and do something else for a while.

Visiting with dear friends is also on the agenda.  My dear friend Mrs. S falls in love with my animals every time she comes to our house to visit.  I'd venture to say that they love her too.  :0)

Ever since my surgery, I have been eating ice every day.  I know that I love the coolness on my throat, but nothing soothes my throat like generic lemon lime soda.  I fill up a mason jar with ice, then usually cover it with lemon lime soda.  The picture above, I decided to add some blueberries to my drink.  I love the slight flavor and the color.  

One problem I am having is sitting still.  I feel so much better than I have in a very long time, but I don't that if I do a wee bit too much--like driving or a few chores--I get tired and it is time to rest.  From what I understand it is common to feel that way.  I rest daily, closing my eyes even for 20 minutes helps.  

I'm pacing myself with painting and packing right now, so I don't over do.  I've been trying to do some each day.  Some days it works and others it doesn't get done, but tomorrow is another day.  

I'm trying to hold my plans loosely.

God Bless,

Regina

Finding Peace and Joy in the Finality of God's "No"

For 15 years I begged God for more children.  I asked Him to perform miracles of the most personal kind so that I would be able to bear more children.  I pleaded with my husband to get a reversal.  We'd lay in bed at night with his shoulder soaked with my tears when he'd hold me after telling me "No."  I walked by mirror after mirror each day during my daily work and silently pray for the Lord to fill my tummy with a dear sweet babe.

Years and years would go by and my prayers continued, but eventually there was a point when they changed to something like, "Oh Lord, how I would love for You to fill my tummy with the movings of a babe."  "Oh Lord, fill my tummy with a babe, please."

...please...

Then my prayers themselves changed.

October 8, 2012

Although I am grading papers here, I remember this time vividly because it was the time when I changed my prayers to pleading for the eternal life of my husband.  I had been praying for my husband all along, but things with him got so very difficult. It was a terrible time.

Once he left for work, I sat in my chair and cried and prayed every day.  Some days I went upstairs to our bedroom and lay prostrate on the floor and weep, sobbing and praying for the eternal life of my husband.  I was a single parent.  I was alone.  We not only were unequally yolked, I was carrying the yolk of the burden of the entire house alone.  I not only wanted his companionship, but a willing partnership, but at that time in our lives, he was not able to give that.  He succumbed to the increased stress and pressure at work.  Instead of finding the peace and respite at home, he looked at his responsibilities at home as added stress and buried himself in the numerous video games to lose himself.

It was during this time that my prayers for more babies changed.  I told God that He could use me, take my own life if need be to get through to my husband.  My appeals for help and time were not getting through to him.  Only God could deal with him.

I gave up the desire for more children for the eternal life of my husband.

Once I did, God worked wonderfully in the life of my husband.  Through a series of events, my husband gave his life to Christ on December 30, 2012.

January 9, 2013

While things haven't been "peaches and cream" since then, like cheese and wine, 

things get better with age. 

I began noticing problems with my menstruation not long after this.  After about a year, I noticed things lengthening each month and things changed in appearance.  I felt myself identifying with the woman who touched the hem of Jesus' garment.  I went to get blood tests done every 6 months to keep track of my A1C and fasting blood sugars, cholesterol, triglycerides and iron.  While everything seemed fine, the Dr noticed my iron levels were lower than normal.  She suggested an iron supplement, but I requested being able to increase the iron through my diet instead.  I have other problems with regard to iron supplements, so she reluctantly agreed.  After 6 months of increasing the iron rich foods, my iron levels were even lower. Something else was wrong.

During this time I felt God working on my heart to let go.  I felt myself drawn to foster kids, orphans and family groups of children who have been left mother and fatherless.  Their beautiful faces spoke to my heart and continue to do so.  Every picture I prayed over, every child so very precious needing a home and I wish it were mine.  I spoke to God about how I knew His word talked of taking care of widows and orphans and that He would place the orphan in a family.   I asked God to give my husband a love and a heart for orphans--family groups especially--so that we could partner with God and care for His children, the orphans.  My heart already is one that would welcome a family group of any size to our home.  

I have eagerly soaked up every adoption story with such interest and much like a sponge to glean information about anything we may eventually encounter.  It doesn't matter if it were an international or local adoption I was reading about.  I have been enraptured by their story.

So with all of this heart preparation on my behalf, with diminished energy, tiredness, and simply unable to function after a very busy day--to be the pendulum that while it didn't make me depressed, but just desiring to care of my family.

October 18, 2014

It was approximately this time that I realized after 6 months of keeping my family Dr "in the loop," I decided to talk with her about the bleeding more at length.  She made the suggestion that I make an appointment with an OB/Gyn.  While telling my husband about my appointment, I mentioned that I thought a hysterectomy was probably in my future.  He agreed and said I was probably right.

To my dismay, after an ultrasound and finding out the results, the surgery was scheduled almost a month and a half away.  I just wanted to get it over with.  The week after Christmas would have been wonderful timing for me, but it wasn't in God's plan.  I decided to get to work on the house at that time, but that wasn't in God's plan either.  I don't know if you can see in the picture above, but I'm very tired.  Being tired, maintaining the very basics of every day life, doing just what needed to be done was all I could do.  Plus shortly after Christmas another thing slowed us down--everyone came down with fevers, coughs, runny noses, losing our voices and just sleeping.  When my daughter got well enough, I started training her on extra stuff--specifically mine--to prepare for when I was out of commission.  

Monday came and I was so very ready to not be tired any more.  I was ready for surgery.  God prepared me for this, to say good bye to my baby carrying years, but to say hello to what comes next.

When I came out of recovery, I was famished!  I had not eaten since the day before at breakfast.  They brought me ice chips straight from heaven.  The breathing tube they put down my throat made my throat so sore!  I came home by 5PM!  My hubby went back to town to get some things from the store for me and my daughter had already prepared meatballs for us.  I was still so hungry, so I asked my hubby to bring me a big cheeseburger.   I was famished!  I felt energized though!  I felt the difference in my body.  I felt sore, yes, but I felt good!  

February 7, 2015

So this week, after my surgery, my husband has truly been my hero, ironing out so many issues I've had with our imperfect cherubs, while I happily sit this out, resting.  I'm praising God for answering my prayer to reclaim the years the locusts have taken.  There is more time, but it's coming along.  God is good.  I'm feeling better each day.  I am looking forward to our move with greater peace.  Getting taxes done is the next on the "to do" list.  We have some wonderful money saving plans for our move that my husband has shared with me that are absolutely genius!  I am so thankful and that brings me peace and joy.  God has answered my prayers in such a different way than I ever thought, just by saying, "No."  

Love & God Bless,

Saturday Before My Surgery

As time goes by, with all the Dr's visits this week, preparing my heart and mind for my pending surgery, I find myself concerned about the running of my household while I am recuperating.  Yes, my husband will be off work, my children have the capacity to take care of things, but things will not be cared for as I'd like.  I'll need at least 4 weeks, but according to my mother it would be up to 3 months.  I cannot fathom 3 months healing time.  However, I can understand it.

Today I went to get preparations for the day before and the day of my surgery.  You know those wonderful cleaning out of the bowel types of things.  Yes, those.  I also needed to get a pair of comfy stretchy pants.  I haven't owned a pair of sweat pants in at least a decade, so it was time to get something comfy.  I don't mind.  On my way, I found myself wishing my Mom and my mother were able to come and sit with me.  Then my thoughts went to all of my aunts, wishing family were closer because it feels so alone.  I knew my lovely aunts and my Mom and my mother would understand, having gone through this, and bring us a meal or two, come play board games with my kids, make them do their chores, help with laundry.

...and suddenly I felt so alone...

...not because I don't have people around me, but I do....those who have not walked this path before, those who cannot possibly understand my heart, my sickness, my emptiness, my grief.

I will be having a complete hysterectomy just to be sure there is no cancer that I need to be concerned with.  I have fibroid tumors growing in my uterus "too numerous to count."  If they cut in to my uterus, they may cut in to a tumor that "may" have cancer cells in it.  My Dr has advised me to do so.  I understand why and while I am completely at peace with it, I still have issues of the heart.  I cannot disconnect the logical from the emotional heart issues, placing each in it's own separate box, but I am an ever encompassing being.  My heart loves children.  The dear sweet wee ones I've longed to have and bear from my body will now never be.  To think of this brings my heart such an aching.

The only solace for my ache is the hope for future adoptive children.  My heart has longed for adopting a family group.  Ones who need a forever family, who break my heart with their lovely and beautiful faces, longing for me to call them my own, give them my name, my mother's heart.

And with that, I have joy.

Love,

Regina

The Biggest Blessing

I guess you could say that the biggest blessing in my life currently which has blessed me in years past, but most especially this year has been the concepts I've learned on FLYlady.  Oh!  You don't know about her?  Well let me back up to when I was introduced to her.

With 3 little ones, books, magazines, junk mail, papers, dishes, laundry, cleaning and simply time with my husband was an overwhelming struggle for me.  I'd look at things that needed to be done, start trying to get it done, but quickly became overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all.  I'd be full of anxiety and I'd shut down.

I was a part of an email group by the name of "Skinny Moms" when we were talking about organization among one of the many times we talked.  One dear lady mentioned FLYlady and I disregarded her suggestion for a couple months.  I thought to myself, "Just going to a website isn't going to help me."  I continued in the state where things were just overwhelming and tried my best to keep things moving.  I got so overwhelmed and just sat in the middle of the laundry room with piles 3+ feet deep around me, and I cried out to God for help.  After a few minutes of wallowing in self pitty, I got the laundry moving and went to tend to my kids.  I sat down at the computer and my friend who had suggested FLYlady before had sent an email about it (God's timing!).  I finally went to the website and started reading the first page.  My interest was piqued and I kept reading about this timer thing.

Do all that you can in one area in 15 minutes, then move on to the next area.  Do that 

for 3  separate 15 minute intervals, then set the timer one last time for 15 minutes,

 get a drink, put your feet up and relax.  Love yourself enough to bless yourself with

this time.  You've earned it!  Once the timer goes off again, start back at your 

beginning point, then do the rotation again until you've got everything 

done--dishes, cleaning and etc.  

Where to begin, though?  Well, since the kitchen is the heart of the home, she suggested starting by emptying the sink and shining it.  Not just a quick "swish" of everything, but getting the scrubbie, gel bleach scrub and going to town on every nook, crack, and cranny.  She told me/us that we needed to make sure our sinks were shined before going to bed every night.  This is such a simple beginning!  It was so silly and didn't make sense, but I did it anyway.  I did it for 3 days, adding to it each day.

then the towers fell....

Everything stood still.  We were fixated on the news for 2 months, doing just the barest of essentials just in case we heard anything else.

one day in November...

I slowly began shining my sink and doing things 15 minutes at a time.  I knew I needed to gain a semblance of control in our house with 3 young children and a husband to care for.  As the days went by, I was able to branch out because things got a little easier with cleaning and keeping things cared for.  

I started getting my Control Journal together and to this day it has gone through many changes, but the basics remain the same.  I stumbled upon an email in those couple of weeks about a Holiday Planning Journal.  It intrigued me, so I started it.  I planned weeks in advance to buy staples so I could bake cookies with my kids.  I planned for the menus for both Thanksgiving and Christmas, but forgot New Years.  The food was purchased way in advance for everything, except for the fresh veggies I needed that I planned to buy a couple days in advance.  I planned gifts to give to my children and family, started writing out Christmas cards mid-November and I've never looked back.  I've changed how I do things over the years, but essentially things are the same.

I begin planning on October 1st now.  I have a grocery list that I add the non-perishable things to each pay period so I'm not inundated with the massive amount of food to buy.  I pick out recipes and do shopping for those items weeks in advance.  I've also set aside one day each week for baking Christmas cookies.  I have in years past, set aside time each night to fill out 5 Christmas cards each night to make sure I have them done by December 1st.  I haven't done this in the past 5 or so years, though.  We've resorted to getting special cards for parents, uncles/aunts, brothers/sisters, nieces/nephews along with gift cards.

What about my plans for 2015?

I am already looking for patterns that I hope to get to make for everyone for Christmas 2015.  I would like to get started in January purchasing things, then in February and March during my recoup time, knitting on those things.  I have grandiose plans, but honestly, those plans could be changed by life happening. (holding my plans loosely)   Between March and the end of September, I plan to pack up everything to be ready to move.  I've already decluttered some of our books to sell and I'm packing up other books that I'd like to keep.  Amazingly, I have 6 boxes set aside to sell and half a box packed.

Once we're settled, I plan to get my Holiday Planning Journal back out, making adjustments as needed, and making different plans for being with family over the holidays--hosting and visiting.

Life's changes are always coming along, throwing us a curve ball, but the biggest blessing has been the daily routines.  I can always tell what throws my day off when the routines are not followed and it makes everything a chaos.  Then when I step back, look around, and realize I need to shine my sink, grab my timer and go, knowing that just 15 minutes will make a big difference.

On a side note, when my daily Bible reading and prayer time has been neglected, I can tell too.  When chaos reins, important things go by the wayside.

As we are an hour from 2015, I'm ringing in the new year watching Duck Dynasty with my family.  Tomorrow morning we'll get up and sand the plaster filled holes in the kitchen, wipe and reapply as needed.  I hope to be able to paint by Saturday.  Needless to say, we've discovered more that needs filled in and we're just taking care of it.  Once this is all done, we'll move on to the next room.  I'm hoping to have all this needful stuff done by the time my surgery comes along.  I'm hoping....  ;)

Have a lovely New Year!

God Bless,

Preparing for Our Move to Georgia

The interesting part of contemplating a move is looking at all the houses to consider, that fit the needs of your family, present and future.  Right now, we're looking for houses with property.  With our budget, we need to find fixer-upper houses because with houses that need nothing done to fix them up AND property, they're astronomically priced outside of our price range.  So we need to be willing to work to fix things up.

The difficult part of seeing all these houses online is not being able to go see them "right now" because we're almost 1000 miles away.  We've been in contact with a realtor and we're gearing up for that trip here soon, but until that time, we work on our house.  I am certain that when we return from that trip, we will be putting our house on the market.

One of the things we've done in the past when we had sold our old house, is that we prayed for the new owner of our house.  We prayed that they would come along in God's timing, that our house would completely fit their needs, and that they would be blessed by our house.  Our house fire in 2005 REALLY blessed the new owner of our house with a completely new heating system, hot water system, new basement and many other things.  The lady who eventually bought our house was single and I'm sure the peace of mind in having a new furnace and hot water heater was a good thing for her.   So, we pray for the people who will buy our house.

We are gradually decluttering things here in our house.  With everything that has transpired here this year, the paperwork and filing needs have mushroomed.  I have been overwhelmed and have not kept up with all of it.  I have put myself on "autopilot" more often to just be able to deal with the needful things in our lives.  I knew that eventually the paperwork would get filed.  Right now, we deal with catching up and staying caught up with all of it.  Then beginning to weed through curriculum that we no longer need, books we no longer need, and clothes we no longer want to wear or are too small.  It is a welcome thing to see all the "give away" items to go to the Goodwill or to folks who might need them.  I have a box sitting not far from my front door to hold decor, household and kitchen give away items and when it gets full, I'll close it up and take it to Goodwill.

We will be meeting with the retirement system folks soon to get a final tally on what Mr. G's income will be and we can get our budget set up and get prepared for that.  We have found a couple churches to visit while we're down there in a couple months, and a Civil Air Patrol Squadron that the kids are excited to visit.  We're also going to join a homeschool group *before* moving.  Yes, here in about 2 weeks we'll join the Southwest Georgia Homeschoolers Association to get a feel for what activities they offer through their newsletter and groups.  I can't find that information out unless we join.  I'm not too worried about it though.  They have a very similar set up to the current homeschool group we are members of currently.

We're getting excited, even moreso as time goes on.

Have a wonderful Christmas.

God Bless,

Accepting the Next Season in My Life

After having an ultrasound done last Monday, it was found that I have numerous fibroid tumors growing in my uterus.  The lining is thickened and my uterus is understandably enlarged.  The option of an ablation was given to me, but the thought of them scraping a potentially cancerous fibroid tumor does not appeal to me.  I've chosen a hysterectomy for that reason.  It still doesn't make the acceptance any easier.

I absolutely love being pregnant, having my babies, raising them (regardless of the head aches and heart aches), and I love doing all of it with my husband.  He's amazing!

That's why moving on to this next season of my life is so very difficult to accept.

The positive side of all of this is that through the course of a series of events, my husband has had a softened heart toward adopting a family group.  I am elated and it gives me quite a bit to look forward to, to prepare for, to pray for, to enjoy the journey.

This next door, though, is going to be the roughest part.  I still hold on to the lovely memories of having my babies.

When I Can Work

I have grandiose plans to declutter, paint and pack away bunches of books, decorations and just generally get much more organized than I am now after Christmas.  My own grandiose plans have come to a roadblock of sorts.  I have entered pre-menopause and my menses are changing, lengthening up to 14 days causing a drastic lowering of my iron levels.  When that happens, nothing can stop me from taking a nap, out of sheer exhaustion.  I can sit in my chair to rest from my work and in 5 minutes be sleeping.

I have increased iron rich foods to be best of my ability.  I cannot, however, ingest sardines or organ meat.  I have been in contact with my doctor as well as an OB/GYN to pursue the next step which right now is an ultrasound.  We need to find out if there are any fibroid tumors growing inside my uterus or any abnormalities.  If there are, then we'll likely go in for a hysterectomy.  If there are no abnormalities, I'll likely go in for an ablation.  In the mean time, I do what is needful, then rest.  I need to accept this season of my life for what it is--a chance to grow the response of my kids, growing them to understand what it means to be an adult--to take the responsibility for getting things done without being asked; to step up and just get things done.

As my dear friend, Cheryl at copperswife.com says, we must "hold our plans loosely."  And so, as I release the expectations I have for myself, the plans I have for my time after Christmas is over, and simply rest, I know that I can rest in the knowledge that this is His plan for me just for now.

God Bless,

Accepting the Need for Rest

One of those ways that the Lord uses to get my attention is making me rest.  I absolutely unequivocally can tell, after time and experience, that the Lord is calling me to rest.

In the past 4 or so days my right knee has been a bit swollen.  When I get in to my bed and put weight in that knee I can tell it is swollen.  It hurts.  I walk up and down steps throughout the day, multiple times a day.  It hurts.  So here I sit in my chair with my 1 liter bottle of water and my salad filled with iron rich foods.

Another reason I need to rest is because, plainly speaking, I'm anemic.  It takes me off my feet and I get exhausted easily.  If only I had a hem to touch from the Master's garment, then I wouldn't be so tired.  Rest assured, I am under my Dr's care.  I am going to a specialist next week to see what the next step will be.  I will update as soon as I know.

What do I do when I need to rest?  I ask for the kids to help me more.  I'll ask my husband for grace and he grants it.  I feel guilty for needing to rest, but this is only for a season.

I had my 2 youngest do some cleaning in the basement today and they found a bit of mold, so they took it upon themselves to take care of things there.  The bookshelves have been burned because they were old and needed to be replaced anyway.  They had to get rid of some of our books too, but it's all ok.  It was a good learning experience for them to know that they need to help me keep the dehumidifier running.

Needless to say, there are books everywhere in the basement now.  So, we will be packing up books, setting some aside to sell and keeping others out for use until we move. These kinds of things invariably happen when we're going to have company.  My daughter is having a friend stay the weekend and some other friends are coming for pizza on Saturday.  LOL  As you can surmise, I'm getting a little more than desirous to get moving on my own preparations, but if I'm needing to rest, then the chair is where I'll need to be.

God's timing is always the best.  His ways are not our ways, so I have to trust that He has all this under control knowing that we have hearts in the right place.

Leaning on Him,