When One Spouse Has Been UnSaved

Disclosure Statement:  This post is real, brutally, gut wrenchingly honest and posted WITH permission by my husband.  You will laugh, you will probably cry---much like I have.  And, most likely, you will rejoice to see what wonderful work God has done.  And, this is long, so bear with me.

Ideally, when two Christian people come together, agree to be married and fall in love, they are what Christian circles call "evenly yoked."  In an ideal world, this is what that marriage would simulate--

The work done together is for glorifying God and the couple moves closer together as they move closer to God.

When one has an UNsaved spouse, things look a bit differently, and each situation will be just a bit different with different circumstances.  But much of what you'll see is excuses, whether valid excuses or not, they're still there.  Sometimes the excuses are selfish pride based.  Other times they are timing based like, "When I retire", "When the kids are out of the house" and infinitum.

Then, there are the times when the Lord chooses to "prune" the other spouse.  Yes, the "saved" spouse gets worked on by God.  Yes I'm still looking back and trying to make sense of it all.  But, the best I can tell,

John 15:2  He cuts off every branch that does not produce fruit in me, and he cuts back every branch that does produce fruit, so that it might produce more fruit. [emphasis mine]

How does a Heavenly pruning sound?  That is EXACTLY what it took for me to surrender.  I had a ruptured disc in my lower lumbar area.  The gelantinous material oozed out in a way that it just barely touched the left side of my spinal cord and caused me to be on my hands and knees in pain for 48 hours.  No shots would help, no chiropractic care would help, no hot water, ice pack, nothing would help.  I called the assistant pastor who brought 5 other people who prayed over me at 8:30PM on February 4th, 2001.  At 8:37PM, I got up and stood without pain.  God was teaching me, molding me and showing me through that circumstance that not only did He love me, but He loved me enough to discipline me to bring me in to submission to His will for my life.  He even gave me some not so lovely reminders--"zingers" I called them.  I'd always get them when my heart and mind were not so lovely toward my husband.  Contrary to what one might think, almost 12 years later, I still get them.  It isn't as often, but I'm glad for the painful reminders.  Yes, I said that.  Yes, I am stubborn.  I come from a long line of stubborn Irish folks.  LOL

You see, I begged God for the first 11 years of our marriage to change my husband.  When I read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, the first chapter was about "His Wife".  That's when I "got it."  I needed to be willing to change, to be molded, pruned and so forth to bring forth much more abundant fruit.  Now, some people might call me "Fruit Loopy", but that's ok.  Go ahead, I can handle it.  Yes, I've made mistakes.  No, I'm not perfectly humbled, pruned or submitted.  I was the saved one who was praying.  That's all God had to work with because I was as rebellious as they came, complete with the mouthy bitter attitude.  Just this week I found myself apologizing to my husband for putting up with me and being such an awful stumbling block for him.  I was not the epitome of a Proverbs 31, Titus 2 or 1 Peter 3 woman at all, but just the opposite!

I could just imagine God looking down on us and saying, "Oh dear, this will never do!  I'm going to have to do some pruning before I can give her the desires of her heart."

 Why?  Well, the best I can tell, it is because the humility [forced at times where situations were beyond my own control and I had to just surrender and pray for God's protection for myself and my children], and meek and quiet spirit needed to endure the years of spiritual unrest, gut wrenching torturous spiritual battle needed to continue.

Did I say that?  

Yes, I did.  

The past two months have been so very torturous for me.  My husband has been addicted to online games, ignoring all of us until his needs of "get me a cup of coffee/water/food" from the kids or intimacy from me needed to be filled.  After he'd leave for work, I'd just cry my eyes out begging God to help me.  I know I felt much like a robot, going through the motions, just getting the every day things done and not much joy, unless it was in my kids and their antics or going to worship, Bible Study or Choir/Bell Choir practice for the holiday season.  Since he works in the afternoons, the practices were almost always then.

What a balm for my soul!  I so needed it!  

Little did I know, the darkest time would come on Christmas day...



...if you would like to read the rest of this story, please email me privately.  My email address is in the left side bar (just add symbols).

This is just the beginning of the story of God's work in our lives.  It's very long and Mr. G doesn't mind sharing it, so please feel free to email me!