Melancholy

As I sit here with my knees elevated, a caution from when I had the blood clot in my leg, I'm watching MASH and reliving so many times during my teens and adult life when watching this same show.  My daughter would only nap with MASH on the TV when she was 2 years old.

It is that time of day, I think, when this particular show causes that melancholy feeling.

Another thing triggers that feeling, watching my daughter drive out of the drive way going to work.  I remember that so very well when I was her age.  The newfound feeling of independence, or so I thought.  How naive I was back then!

If I had it to do all over again, I would save more, love more, do more for others, love more, listen more, sing more, pray over my loved ones more...you can never pray enough.

I think you get the idea.  I'd be willing to wager that many of you who are reading this right now would possibly say much the same.

I want to do more of that above stuff with the rest of my life.

This has been my goal and I know I fall short every day:

An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 

She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 

She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. 

She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household 

and portions for her maidens. 

She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. 

Her lamp does not go out at night. 

She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 

She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 

She is not afraid of snow for her household, 

for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 

She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. 

She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; 

her husband also, and he praises her: 

"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." 

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, 

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 

Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. 

(Proverbs 31:10-31)

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, 

not slanderers or slaves to much wine. 

They are to teach what is good, 

and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 

to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, 

and submissive to their own husbands, 

that the word of God may not be reviled.  

(Titus 2:3-5)

These have always been a goal for me.  The only problem has been wallowing in my own guilt for not living up to the expectations in my own mind.  Isn't that how things work?!  We beat ourselves up for not living up to unrealistic expectations we've placed on ourselves.

But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, 

"Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." 

(Luke 10:40-42)

Lord, let me be more like Mary and less like Martha.

Amen.